10/09/2011

VH1 Greatest Songs of the 00s



VH1's reminds us what mainstream radio will be playing for the next 100 years
By Alexander Laurence

I just caught this show on VH1 in between football games. It was hosted by Pete Wentz of Fall Out Boy. Wentz was supposed to be some hot rock star five years ago. Now he seems like some creepy child molester. When I look at this list I see a bunch of forgettable club anthems, Timbaland and Pharrell soundalikes, and a bunch of cheesy songs that were on this list because some record company paid to be on this list. I can't understand why some more inspired stuff like The Walkmen, Annie, The Rapture, The Knife, LCD Soundsystem, Interpol, Daft Punk, Arcade Fire, Radiohead, Basement Jaxx, Burial, Hot Chip, Franz Ferdinand, TV on The Radio, Portishead, Beach House, Feist, Modest Mouse, The Raconteurs, Anthony and the Johnsons, Bat For Lashes, The Strokes, Miike Snow, and other greats weren't on this list.

I will make a few comments on this list and figure out if any of these songs really belong on this list.

100 Sisqó – “Thong Song” - Perhaps the most obnoxious novelty song of all time: a mix of Sir Mix-a-lot and "The Streak" by Ray Stevens. No thanks.
99 Carrie Underwood “Before He Cheats” - Good female break up songs are good when you are 17 but they are not so good revisited. You can only eat so much ice cream and watch so many chick flicks. Get over it and move on I say.
98 3 Doors Down “Kryptonite” - You have to be kidding?
97 Shaggy “It Wasn’t Me” - Actually a great song.
96 Pussycat Dolls (Feat. Busta Rhymes) “Don’t Cha” - A female Milli Vanilli.
95 James Blunt – “You’re Beautiful” - One hit wonder. Keane and Coldplay and pretty much anyone from England is more talented than James Blunt.
94 Daughtry – “It’s Not Over” - Pass.
93 OK Go – “Here It Goes Again” - The video band. I saw these guys recently at Outside Lands. They were about 10% as intersting as Arctic Monkeys and Black Keys.
92 Flo Rida (Feat. T-Pain) – “Low” - Forgettable.
91 Creed – “With Arms Wide Open” - This is a joke.
90 Mystikal – “Shake Ya Ass” - I vaguely remember this one.
89 M.I.A. – “Paper Planes” - MIA was the next big thing a few years ago. Now people are trying to severe any ties to her, because the MIA uncool factor is like a bad stench.
88 Fountains of Wayne – “Stacy’s Mom” - I am going to see these guys this week.
87 The Darkness – “I Believe in a Thing Called Love” - This band seemed like the coolest band ever in 2003. But they kicked out the coolest looking member and made a crappy second album.
86 Aerosmith – “Jaded” - American Idol paid for this plug.
85 Macy Gray – “I Try” - Do people still take her seriously?
84 Linkin Park – “In the End” - A staple on modern rock station KROQ. They play this band once every hour. They are emotional. Someone is dying in all their videos.
83 D’Angelo – “Untitled (How Does It Feel)” - This was suppose to be sexy at one point.
82 Matchbox Twenty – “Unwell” - Horrible.
81 Bruce Springsteen – “The Rising” - A reminder that old men are still making music. Might as well get Bob Dylan and Neil Young in here.
80 Lil Jon & the East Side Boyz (Feat. Ying Yang Twins) – “Get Low” - This was another song endlessly played by MTV when they still played videos. It was like water boarding.
79 Enrique Iglesias – “Hero” - Is Anna Kournokova in this video?
78 Plain White T’s – “Hey There Delilah” - Pass.
77 Nickelback – “How You Remind Me” - Creed, Pearl Jam, Nickelback = shit.
76 T.I. ft Rihanna – “Live Your Life” - This might be good.
77 Gavin DeGraw – “I Don’t Want to Be” (silence).
74 Chamillionaire (Feat. Krayzie Bone) – “Ridin’” Yawn.
73 Nelly Furtado (Feat. Timbaland) – “Promiscuous” - Gotta love it.
72 Jet – “Are You Gonna Be My Girl” - If Jet is on here, why not The Strokes, The Vines, The Datsuns, and others?
71 Colbie Caillat – “Bubbly” - Myspace is so five years ago.
70 Chris Brown (Feat. Juelz Santana) – “Run It!” - This guy is cool.
69 Evanescence – “Bring Me to Life” - More emotional videos about death.
68 Ludacris (Feat. Shawnna) – “Stand Up” - Chicken, butts, alcohol.
67 Leona Lewis – “Bleeding Love” - She looks more like a porn star than a singer.
66 Snoop Dogg (Feat. Pharrell) – “Drop It Like It’s Hot” - Good but shouldn't be on this list.
65 Aaliyah – “Try Again” - Amazing.
64 Jennifer Lopez (Feat. Ja Rule) – “I’m Real (Murder Remix)” - Ironic?
63 Andrew W.K. – “Party Hard”- Great song. Great artist.
62 Avril Lavigne – “Complicated” - Sort of like a modern Tiffany or Debbie Gibson. Avril Lavigne is to punk rock what Tiffany is to New Wave, a soft option.
61 Kelis – “Milkshake” -Great song.
60 Ke$ha – “Tik Tok” -Maybe to early to tell if this is great?
59 Justin Timberlake – “Cry Me a River” -Artist of the decade.
58 Jason Mraz – “I’m Yours” -Boring.
57 Mary J. Blige – “Family Affair” Pass.
56 DMX – “Party Up (Up In Here)” -DMX had a great song. This is not it.
55 The Killers – “Mr. Brightside” -Okay.
54 Norah Jones – “Don’t Know Why” -You can't hate this.
53 Blink-182 – “All the Small Things” -If this is the alternative to Backstreet Boys, I would prefer silence.
52 Shakira (Feat. Wyclef) – “Hips Don’t Lie” -Shakira is cool but is this her best song?
51 Natasha Bedingfield – “Pocketful of Sunshine” -Amy Winehouse is rolling in her grave.




50 Taylor Swift – “You Belong With Me” -A real snoozer.
49 Lady Gaga – “Bad Romance” -A have a feeling that Lady Gaga wore out her welcome after two good songs. It's possible that Gaga will be as omnipresent as Toni Braxton or Cathy Dennis for a few years, then pretty forgettable ten years from now.
48 Kings Of Leon – “Sex On Fire” -It's great to see some musicians on here, but this is an annoying song.
47 Christina Aguilera, Lil’ Kim, Mya, Pink – “Lady Marmalade” -Hasn't aged well.
46 Kid Rock & Sheryl Crow – “Picture” -Kid Rock didn't have a better song than this in the past decade? Probably not.
45 Eve (Feat. Gwen Stefani) – “Let Me Blow Ya Mind” -Gwen's solo record rules.
44 Red Hot Chili Peppers – “Californication” -Horrible.
43 Katy Perry – “I Kissed A Girl” -Huh?
42 Train – “Drops Of Jupiter (Tell Me)” -I thought this song was by Maroon 5?
41 R. Kelly – “Trapped In The Closet” -I am asleep.
40 Fall Out Boy – “Sugar, We’re Goin Down” -Already forgotten.
39 Adele – “Chasing Pavements” -Greatest singer on here.
38 Miley Cyrus – “Party In The U.S.A.” -SHIT
37 Britney Spears – “Oops! … I Did It Again” -SHIT
36 *NSYNC – “Bye Bye Bye” -SHIT
35 John Mayer – “Daughters” -SHIT
34 Janet Jackson – “All For You” -Are all these songs picked by 8 yr old girls?
33 Johnny Cash – “Hurt” -I am not sure why everyone likes this song?
32 Maroon 5 – “This Love” -Great stuff.
31 Amy Winehouse – “Rehab” -Worst song on the album, but you have to love Amy.
30 Gwen Stefani – “Hollaback Girl” -Awesome!
29 Foo Fighters – “Best Of You”-I feel frozen in time.
28 Madonna – “Music” -This reminds me that Madonna has been in a slump for a long time.
27 Usher (Feat. Lil Jon and Ludacris) – “Yeah!” -Okay.
26 The White Stripes – “Seven Nation Army” -You are shocked that this is on here. The White Stripes did six albums: almost every song is great. There has to be at least a hundred that are better that "Seven Nation Army."
25 Nelly – “Hot in Herre” -This is one of those club songs. They sound great if you are fucked up and people are dancing. Or if you are on drugs. But these songs give you a headache otherwise.
24 Missy Elliott – “Get Ur Freak On” -This still sounds fresh.
23 Pink – “Get the Party Started” -This sounds stale.
22 Alicia Keys – “Fallin’” -Over-rated.
21 Jay-Z – “99 Problems” -Fine.
20 Britney Spears – “Toxic” -Best song ever by Britney. It would be better if there were no vocals.
19 Destiny’s Child – “Bootylicious” -Horrible very dated song.
18 Christina Aguilera – “Beautiful” -A ham fisted moment.
17 Coldplay – “Clocks” -Isn't this song by Keane?
16 Beyoncé – “Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)” -It seems like everyone is single nowadays. So there are a lot of crazy listeners out there who can relate.
15 U2 – “Beautiful Day” -All their songs are rehashed from the same four chords.
14 Gnarls Barkley – “Crazy” -Best song on here.
13 Green Day – “American Idiot” -Not very subtle.
12 Black Eyed Peas – “I Gotta Feeling” -A song for a cheesy wedding party.
11 Rihanna (Feat. Jay-Z) – “Umbrella” -Nice pop song.
10 50 Cent – “In Da Club” -Not feeling it.
09 Mariah Carey – “We Belong Together” (neutral).
08 Jay-Z (Feat. Alicia Keys) – “Empire State Of Mind” -This song may become annoying at some point.
07 Justin Timberlake (Feat Timbaland) – “SexyBack” -YES. Genius.
06 Kanye West (Feat. Jamie Foxx) – “Gold Digger” -I need more Kanye.
05 Kelly Clarkson – “Since U Been Gone” -This is an aberration.
04 Eminem – “Lose Yourself” -I don't need to hear this again.
03 Lady Gaga – “Poker Face” -I look forward to a tragic accident.
02 OutKast – “Hey Ya!” -Outkast was the greatest band of this decade.
01 Beyoncé (Feat. Jay-Z) – “Crazy In Love” -Major song.



(via VH1)


A new list by me would be cut down to this:

20 (some song I forgot about belongs here)
19 Shaggy “It Wasn’t Me”
18 M.I.A. – “Paper Planes”
17 The Darkness – “I Believe in a Thing Called Love”
16 Andrew W.K. – “Party Hard”
15 Justin Timberlake – “Cry Me a River”
14The Killers – “Mr. Brightside” -Okay.
13 Shakira (Feat. Wyclef) – “Hips Don’t Lie”
12Amy Winehouse – “Rehab”
11 Gwen Stefani – “Hollaback Girl”
10The White Stripes – “Seven Nation Army”
09 Missy Elliott – “Get Ur Freak On”
08 Jay-Z – “99 Problems”
07 Norah Jones – “Don’t Know Why”
06 Rihanna (Feat. Jay-Z) – “Umbrella”
05 Aaliyah – “Try Again” - Amazing.
04 Justin Timberlake (Feat Timbaland) – “SexyBack”
03 Beyoncé (Feat. Jay-Z) – “Crazy In Love”
02 Adele – “Chasing Pavements”
01 Gnarls Barkley – “Crazy”

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